what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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