Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i dont even know how to be here
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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