"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize