You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize