so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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