in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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