How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
