My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
