Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
