I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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