Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
