His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
