Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
