my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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