they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
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