Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
