xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
