either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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