The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
where are my eyebrows?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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