batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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