Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
