On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
