im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
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