Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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