just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There r osticjed everywhere
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
