apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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