To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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