I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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