she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
