She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Randomize
