I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We have started to decorate penises.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
