Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
