how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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