Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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