Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
