Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
