Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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