Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
