I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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