so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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