my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
