Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
