either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
