i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
