idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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