She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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