I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
