My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
