It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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