I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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