I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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