I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
