Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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