the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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