with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
