Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
