Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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