oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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