my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
