all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
