Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize