heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
