Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
